February 2012
22 posts
26th February, 2012.
Do any of you know what it feels like to really, really cry? So your body shudders and you don’t react to anything. You wish you were dead. You wish everybody would disappear. I’ve spent my evening feeling this way and if I’m honest to myself, I’ll admit it’s going to get even worse tomorrow.
23rd February, 2012.
I don’t understand. I don’t know why. I’m sorry.
22nd February, 2012. I hate the concept of ‘being indie’. Get a fucking grip! You’re not indie if you dip dye your hair. You’re not indie if you wear shorts’n’tights and a pair of authentic Vans. Your not indie with a nose piercing or red lipstick. You’re not indie ‘cause you listen to Nirvana. All of this was done before you. And then there is...
22nd February, 2012.
I can’t stop thinking about you.
Moonshine.
What am I to you? A walk around the corridors, an analysis of poetry in our literature class, a hand to hold in the lonesome summer…
Who am I to myself? Skin, bones and all the vital organs, mixed emotions and fucked up feelings, a useless waste of space…
What were we together? A messy hairdo, an artist’s creative block, a ripped pair of jeans… Moonshine, moonshine,...
16th February, 2012. I’m numb.
15th February, 2012.
Blowing out the candles after a miserable, sad day. Same time next year, yeah? Happy Birthday, little old me…
14th February, 2012.
And I love you, I love you, I love you, like never before…
Attack me with your words. I want to feel pain.
9th February, 2012.
I am completely alone. Today was horrific. I wish I had never got out of bed this morning.
7th February, 2012.
Pressure, pressure, pressure. To pass exams, to revise, to study hard, to hit my targets and be the best I can be. I’m so tired. Pressure, pressure, pressure…
6th February, 2012.
You’re suffering and I don’t know how I can help. It upsets me and I’m sorry. I want to be your saviour. These miss you nights are the longest.
4th February, 2012.
I’m sorry I can’t be who anybody wants me to be.
January 2012
81 posts
I have lost multiple followers lately and I simply laugh to myself. I’m sorry I’m not mainstream enough to post shitty vintage pictures and photographs of trees… At least I’m individual.
1 tag
Today was significantly better than yesterday. I had to get up at ridiculous o’clock to have a DofE training day, which ended up being a thousand times better than expected. The sun was shining, although it was bloody freezing. I wore my new hat and I actually felt good for once. I went into town after the training for a couple of hours with a few friends. I spent it browsing through shops,...
You called me beautiful and for the first time in my life I felt it, with nothing more than bedraggled hair and an oversized Westlife t-shirt from what felt like a lifetime ago.
I had quite a lovely day today. I had lunch with my Auntie and we discussed my depression. She asked me why I felt the way I do and I didn’t have the answer. I don’t think I ever will. After she left I wandered around town for three hours alone. It was pleasant, although I felt sad and lost. I sat on a bench by the post office and a group of boys skated around me. I kept my head down,...
1 tag
I’m going to ignore you, or at least try. It’s over - why am I still holding on? It didn’t work. It wasn’t working. It was never going to work. You weren’t for me, and I wasn’t for you. I realise that - why am I still holding on? You said to me: ‘You’ve changed…’ and I shook my head. You need to understand that I was always this way, I...
1 tag
My blog doesn’t represent me very well. I’m not as simple as a picture, I have more depth. I am words and words are me. I can relate to them. I feel them. I’m surrounded by them. After a lot of ‘umm’ing and ‘aah’ing, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m going to change my blog style. Unfollow me if you wish, I don’t mind. I’m not...